the Urinating Alchemist

The Urinating Alchemist

He needed to pee and the movie was still halfway in. Everyone in the room was bored but him. This ancient Hollywood adaptation of a classic book, still wasn’t simple enough for these teens. An online explanation would suffice for their collective book report.

He needed to pee, and also had another problem. The blonde girl who invited him had spent the last 20 mins attempting to seduce her boyfriend while simultaneously making him jealous. From the stiff chair behind the couch on which the popular teens had lazily avoided contact and movie attention, the solo guy had watched all of it go down and he had an erection.

He didn’t know why he had been invited. Perhaps they wanted a black friend and didn’t know how to make friends, maybe it was by accident or maybe the blonde girl thought her boyfriend would be more jealous of another guy with a different pigment of skin.

The tech obsessed twins left first, just wandered off, leaving five teens. The boyfriend was more into his best friend, the one from team they were on, than the girl at his side. The girlfriend’s friend sat on the other side ignored by all the teen boys and she stormed off next.

This movie was actually interesting. The teen outsider related to the main character who was a smart labourer who didn’t fit in with the farm folk at the medieval market. The Alchemist had seen the genius of the farm boy and as he passed, he sprinkled some sort of spell containing liquid on him, marking the boy for greatness.

The boyfriend suddenly noticed the girl looking over at the black teen in the stiff chair, who was oblivious to the girlfriend’s sudden playful glance. The teen boys whisper to each other and one decided to get proactive. He asked his girlfriend to get him something from the front and as she leaned over, he caressed her butt which was high in the air.

She wasn’t exactly mad but she wasn’t happy, but that shifted as her boyfriend planted a deep kiss that left her sprawled on one side of the couch and then the two boys left quickly after arousing her attention. She was still spread out where he left her confused by the movement. Then there was two.

He needed to pee, but he also was erect. She didn’t seem to know what to do next while in the basement of her parents house with a big tv showing a movie no one was watching, for a book report no one had prepared for, and a strange black teen saying nothing on a stiff chair behind the couch.

“Can I use the bathroom?” He asked.

She pointed at the open door with clear bathroom vibes. He didn’t move at first because of the erection but knew something must be done. Then he shrugged as she never averted her eyes from the stiff chair in which he sat, as if she was waiting. There was no way to hide the bulge and the fact she might have seen it meant he was even more turned on.

He sat on the urinal but nothing came out, he just couldn’t pee and the pressure was killing him. Minutes ticked by and it passed the point of a simple urination time frame. Did she think he was pooping, or maybe worse. This whole thing was a disaster. Why had he been invited? Wasn’t he just a token teen on the team, he had few friends and preferred Sci-fi and Japanese cartoons to sports. Here in this house was a movie room and a blonde girl who knew he had an erection…maybe.

He needed to pee and also he needed out. He forced nothing but shoved his thing back in his pants, pretended to flush and wash his hands. The basement was empty when he came out, sandwiches still sat on a table and the movie still played. Quietly he went up the stairs and out the door.

All the cars were gone but his in the front driveway, and the garage was closed. It was a secluded place with a decent amount of trees, as he sat in his car and debated the drive home with pain in his couldn’t be helped. He picked a tree and let it go. The greatest most pleasurable pee of his entire life. The erection was gone and the cool air felt like heaven.

Casually looking up at the house, she stood silhouetted against the window watching him urinate. The pleasure turned to horror as his member was clearly in view and nothing but disgust lay on her face. He zipped up and drove away hoping that someday, an Alchemist might sprinkle magic potions on him, and see the potential of a smart person who just never found the right place or people worthy of his friendship.